Graduation ceremonies to be held at McDonald’s
‘New venue will be a real “quarter pounder”’ say University By Wagril Slane Aberdeen University have announced graduation ceremonies are...
Satire
Editor - Ruairidh Macdonald
Email - satire@thegaudie.com
All opinions expressed in the Satire section are written primarily for the sake of comic value and therefore do not necessarily represent the honest views held by the author, The Gaudie, AUSA or any company which advertises with the Gaudie.
- Mar 17
- 2 min
Invasion of Ukraine: Step 1 Attack, Step 2 _____, Step 3 Profit?
So apparently, there is a plan? By Jakub Ivanecky Photo courtesy of Ministry of Defense of Ukraine On February 24th, the Russian...
- Mar 3
- 3 min
Two Libraries Go To War After Taylor Taunts ‘Size of Rice’s Hole’
College Bounds declared a ‘No-books Land’ By Wagril Slane Tensions are mounting on campus after the Taylor Library formally declared war...
- Mar 2
- 2 min
Would You Be My Quaran-tyne?
It’s that amazing time of year again, another lockdown! At least not yet anyway. By Jakub Ivanecky Photo by Laura Ockel on Unsplash It is...
- Feb 18
- 2 min
Joe Rogan on his Historical Use of Racial Slur: “I’m just asking questions”
The podcaster and self-identified free thinker has addressed the criticisms of his use of a racial slur by asking more important...
- Feb 17
- 2 min
Anti-Vaxxers Petition to Get Circumcisions Reversed
A petition has been launched by a group of anti-vaxxers calling for their foreskins to be reattached following the revelation of new...
- Feb 4
- 2 min
Nightlife Restrictions Eased in Aberdeen: “Yay! Two unsafe venues? Don’t spoil me!”
With the restrictions on nightlife, specifically nightclubs, being lifted from Monday, we talked to a few residents about how excited...
- Feb 3
- 2 min
Boris Johnson: "It wasn't me"
Being grilled by his own party and opposition ministers of parliament as well as an ever-growing proportion of the public, the Prime...
- Nov 25, 2021
- 2 min
Next Climate Conference Taking Place On Tatooine
It's said to be lovely this time of year By Jakub Ivanecky Photo by Raychel Sanner on Unsplash With the COP26 climate conference in...
- Nov 24, 2021
- 2 min
Tory MP: "I might be scum, but that doesn’t mean you can call me that"
Inspired by recent revelations about the finances of ministers in Parliament, the Tories have had enough of people thinking that £82,000...
- Nov 10, 2021
- 2 min
COVID-19 Is the Best Thing Since Tapeworm, Honey!
The newest certified and completely safe weight loss craze is taking the United Kingdom like a plague! By Ruairidh Macdonald Photo by i...
- Nov 9, 2021
- 2 min
Boris Johnson on COP 26: Glasgow!? I Thought We Were Going Abroad!?
The Prime Minister has shown his disgust at the staycation being forced upon him. By Ruairidh Macdonald Photo by Artur Kraft on Unsplash...
- Oct 19, 2021
- 2 min
Karen on Facebook Outage: Where will I get my misinformation now?
The recent crash of all of Facebook’s services left Karen more worried about the secret truth of COVID-19 and cat videos than the control...
- Oct 18, 2021
- 2 min
Matt Hancock on UN role: I promise I won’t make out with anyone else
This statement comes after the United Nations decided to no longer pursue his appointment By Ruairidh Macdonald "Matt Hancock donates...
- Oct 9, 2021
- 2 min
Don’t Even Think About Using These Incredibly Useful Websites!
An actual photo of a student accessing a single page pdf for their upcoming essay, so horrible By Ruairidh Macdonald "Anonymous Hacker"...
- Oct 8, 2021
- 2 min
Campus Architecture Soars To New Heights Of Horrifying
In an extremely rare sighting, the only joy that has ever been associated with the MacRobert Building. By Dwayne B. Utcher "365: day 301"...
- Sep 22, 2021
- 2 min
Boris Johnson on gas price shock: Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make
Boris Johnson, seen here remembering that hand sanisitiser is flammable and getting an amazing idea By Ruairidh Macdonald "Boris Johnson...
- Sep 15, 2021
- 2 min
The Plight of The Student
Security at ATIK seen here preparing their vaccine checkpoint for Welcome Week By Marcus Wadland "German Mentors Help Strengthen Afghan...
- Aug 5, 2021
- 2 min
Hungarian Political Class is Again Being Unfaithful with LGBTQ+ People and Reality
Queer people of Budapest are on their way to talk to their exes in Parliament By Jakub Ivanecky "Budapest Pride parade"by Joost (formerly...
- Jul 19, 2021
- 2 min
COVID-19 Government Update: "Third time's the charm, we promise!"
The latest vaccination centre implemented in the UK, seen here in Westminister. When asked, the landlord said that they are thankful the...
- Jul 6, 2021
- 2 min
Gaudie Magazine Special Edition: Ask Dr. SexyEdits!
Here to help, regardless of being invited or not! By Dr. SexyEdits "Selwyn Toogood's Beauty and the Beast"by Archives New Zealand is...
- Jun 29, 2021
- 2 min
Vatican Breaks Political Silence for Pride 2021
Thousands gather in hopes of hearing a reversal of church policy on the LGBTQ+ community By Sam Johnson Photo by Luis Cortés on Unsplash...
- Jun 24, 2021
- 2 min
Home Secretary Supports Footballers Taking the Knee Under Special Circumstances
Home Secretary Priti Patel, seen here personally checking the immigration papers of people of colour just hours after proclaiming racism...
- Jun 21, 2021
- 2 min
Booming Maturing Industry on the Irish Sea Border
A driver is very pleased with the current ruling as they managed to pick up on crocheting their spouse left them to finish. By Jakub...
- Apr 1, 2021
- 2 min
EXCLUSIVE: Gaudie News Editor sensationally quits after argument with colleague
Oldest student newspaper in Scotland (according to the Guardian) rocked by explosive argument