Next Climate Conference Taking Place On Tatooine
It's said to be lovely this time of year By Jakub Ivanecky Photo by Raychel Sanner on Unsplash With the COP26 climate conference in...
Satire
Editor - Ruairidh Macdonald
Email - satire@thegaudie.com
All opinions expressed in the Satire section are written primarily for the sake of comic value and therefore do not necessarily represent the honest views held by the author, The Gaudie, AUSA or any company which advertises with the Gaudie.
- Nov 24
- 2 min
Tory MP: "I might be scum, but that doesn’t mean you can call me that"
Inspired by recent revelations about the finances of ministers in Parliament, the Tories have had enough of people thinking that £82,000...
- Nov 10
- 2 min
COVID-19 Is the Best Thing Since Tapeworm, Honey!
The newest certified and completely safe weight loss craze is taking the United Kingdom like a plague! By Harrold Saxon Photo by i yunmai...
- Nov 9
- 2 min
Boris Johnson on COP 26: Glasgow!? I Thought We Were Going Abroad!?
The Prime Minister has shown his disgust at the staycation being forced upon him. By Harrold Saxon Photo by Artur Kraft on Unsplash Boris...
- Oct 19
- 2 min
Karen on Facebook Outage: Where will I get my misinformation now?
The recent crash of all of Facebook’s services left Karen more worried about the secret truth of COVID-19 and cat videos than the control...
- Oct 18
- 2 min
Matt Hancock on UN role: I promise I won’t make out with anyone else
This statement comes after the United Nations decided to no longer pursue his appointment By Harrold Saxton "Matt Hancock donates...
- Oct 9
- 2 min
Don’t Even Think About Using These Incredibly Useful Websites!
An actual photo of a student accessing a single page pdf for their upcoming essay, so horrible By Harrold Saxton "Anonymous Hacker" by...
- Oct 8
- 2 min
Campus Architecture Soars To New Heights Of Horrifying
In an extremely rare sighting, the only joy that has ever been associated with the MacRobert Building. By Dwayne B. Utcher "365: day 301"...
- Sep 22
- 2 min
Boris Johnson on gas price shock: Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make
Boris Johnson, seen here remembering that hand sanisitiser is flammable and getting an amazing idea By Harrold Saxton "Boris Johnson...
- Sep 15
- 2 min
The Plight of The Student
Security at ATIK seen here preparing their vaccine checkpoint for Welcome Week By Marcus Wadland "German Mentors Help Strengthen Afghan...
- Aug 5
- 2 min
Hungarian Political Class is Again Being Unfaithful with LGBTQ+ People and Reality
Queer people of Budapest are on their way to talk to their exes in Parliament By Jakub Ivanecky "Budapest Pride parade"by Joost (formerly...
- Jul 19
- 2 min
COVID-19 Government Update: "Third time's the charm, we promise!"
The latest vaccination centre implemented in the UK, seen here in Westminister. When asked, the landlord said that they are thankful the...
- Jul 6
- 2 min
Gaudie Magazine Special Edition: Ask Dr. SexyEdits!
Here to help, regardless of being invited or not! By Dr. SexyEdits "Selwyn Toogood's Beauty and the Beast"by Archives New Zealand is...
- Jun 29
- 2 min
Vatican Breaks Political Silence for Pride 2021
Thousands gather in hopes of hearing a reversal of church policy on the LGBTQ+ community By Sam Johnson Photo by Luis Cortés on Unsplash...
- Jun 24
- 2 min
Home Secretary Supports Footballers Taking the Knee Under Special Circumstances
Home Secretary Priti Patel, seen here personally checking the immigration papers of people of colour just hours after proclaiming racism...
- Jun 21
- 2 min
Booming Maturing Industry on the Irish Sea Border
A driver is very pleased with the current ruling as they managed to pick up on crocheting their spouse left them to finish. By Jakub...
- Apr 1
- 2 min
EXCLUSIVE: Gaudie News Editor sensationally quits after argument with colleague
Oldest student newspaper in Scotland (according to the Guardian) rocked by explosive argument
- Feb 5
- 2 min
"Everything fine" Declares University Senate
Students reassured and return to role as fee paying drones. image source: 30 seconds in Photoshop article by E. Norma Scock The...
- Feb 2
- 1 min
Defund Everything. New Campaign Emerges on Campus
Image source: idc Article by Autusi Parry | 02/02/2021 Give us our meals deals back. A new pressure group has emerged on campus with the...
- Dec 5, 2020
- 3 min
Geezer feathers nest with Uni’s £119,000
Seagull Principal’s principles questioned by Wagril Slane Illustration by Jake Roslin Seagull Principal’s principles questioned Students...
- Nov 25, 2020
- 2 min
Aberdeen City Council leaders win Nobel Peace Prize
In a highly anticipated move, Aberdeen City Council leaders win Peace Prize for ‘ending factionalism worldwide’
- Oct 19, 2020
- 4 min
Vegan proteins to impress your lesbian now-ex with
I'm so sorry Martha I promise I can change
- Oct 10, 2020
- 3 min
Gordon Battle censured for trip to Welsh chip shop
A senior campus figure challenged regional Covid-19 travel and household mixing rules by making a flying visit to Wales.
- Sep 30, 2020
- 2 min
Virtual Fresher’s Week "up to our usual standards" - AUSA
AUSA is congratulating itself on its pandemic-prompted 100% online Fresher’s Week which “saved [them] a bloody fortune"
- Sep 25, 2020
- 1 min
UoA Alice and Minerva Appreciation Society reaches 2 million members
This is the first year the society is running.
- Sep 17, 2020
- 1 min
“If I cut the caffeine, then I’ll be fine,” says Woman During Plague-Recession-Climate-Catastrophe
“If I just cut the caffeine from my diet, then I can get my life together,” said Lynsay Brown, on break from her zero-hours retail contract.
- Sep 10, 2020
- 2 min
University Corruption Rankings: University of Aberdeen makes top 10 in the UK
Vice-Chancellor praises “significant team effort” of Senior Management Team and promises huge banner outside the Arts Lecture Theatre
- Jul 6, 2020
- 2 min
Sir Ian Diamond caught pretending to be a golden statue of himself
The Former Principal was found standing perfectly still outside Marischal College.
- Oct 19, 2019
- 2 min
The student plant craze is overgrown
by Mónica Ferreira image courtesy of Milivanily via Pixabay It has dawned upon university students that they are going to be adults for...
- Oct 14, 2019
- 3 min
£500bn bridge to solve campus Brexit Woes
by Wagril Slane image courtesy of Jake Roslin A massive new concrete bridge is to be built to connect campus to the European Union after...
- Oct 14, 2019
- 2 min
Library architect admits "Practical Jokes" in building
by Wagril Slane image courtesy of Jake Roslin The renowned designer of the Sir Duncan Rice Library, Henrik das Bleistift von...
- Mar 20, 2019
- 2 min
Pineapple Does Not belong on Pizza
A Belated Rebuttal
- Mar 20, 2019
- 3 min
This Year’s Sabbatical Candidates
An Aesthetic Overview
- Feb 12, 2019
- 3 min
University IT warn of new 'Fishing' scandal
by Wagril Slane Students getting hooked. Aberdeen University computer boffins have made an urgent appeal for vigilance after a new...
- Feb 12, 2019
- 3 min
Majestic Breasts and How to Grind Them
A review of the porn parody of “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them”
- Jan 31, 2019
- 2 min
Resolutions
by Snap Bickerman The arbitrary splitting of the 364 days where the time is not yet ripe for folks to resolve to, say, stop peeing out...
- Jan 31, 2019
- 1 min
Run Macron
Ah, the yellow vest, the uniform of the working man. Bear in mind that he’s French though, so by the working man, I mean he starts his work
- Jan 31, 2019
- 3 min
NEW PLAGIARISM DETECTION SYSTEM CRITICISED BY ACADEMICS
Students and academics are branding a new Aberdeen University regulation "insulting", "draconian" and "a bit silly". This is the announcemen
- Jan 31, 2019
- 2 min
Alien life 'may' be spotted by May's telescope
The rock guitarist turned astronomer Dr Brian May was back on campus this week to unveil a revolutionary new telescope which has been buil
- Jan 31, 2019
- 2 min
Concerns Over Haggis Production
In the aftermaths of Burns Suppers across Scotland there has been renewed concern for sustainable sourcing of the principle component of the
- Jan 31, 2019
- 2 min
The Night Life of Aberdeen
A Brief Study
- Nov 26, 2018
- 2 min
MedSoc Students’ Drunken Fiasco Surprises All, Except Medical Students
A group of medical students, who wish to remain anonymous, have expressed regret at recent events wherein the MedSoc ball members ran thro
- Nov 19, 2018
- 3 min
AUSA Do Boring Survey About Boring Cafe
AUSA have announced that they will be carrying out an online survey into what students want from their cafe, Union Brew.
- Nov 19, 2018
- 2 min
Seagull Aims To Be New Rector
A leading campus seagull, Roger Oeuf, is bidding to be Aberdeen University's first avian Rector.
- Nov 19, 2018
- 2 min
Football thugs smuggle Apache attack helicopter into Dons game
Pittodrie stadium, normally a place of peace and tranquillity, descended into boorish madness last weekend when a Boeing AH-64 Apache attack
![[No.] Easy Tips For Every Not-Quite-Human](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/45b8a2_a50038335a924044aa83dc26e925f508~mv2.jpg/v1/fill/w_473,h_355,fp_0.50_0.50,q_90/45b8a2_a50038335a924044aa83dc26e925f508~mv2.jpg)
- Nov 2, 2018
- 2 min
[No.] Easy Tips For Every Not-Quite-Human
It’s October, and that means high time for those among us that are only partially, or not at all human.
- Nov 2, 2018
- 2 min
The Common Enemy: 9 a.m lectures
Halloween is coming and so I’m pulling the monster from under the bed.
- Nov 2, 2018
- 3 min
Devolution Would Cause Metaphor Loss
Warns Minister
- Oct 26, 2018
- 1 min
Kilau Theft
Scotland’s No. #1 Uni Subject to Least Competent Criminals.
- Oct 15, 2018
- 1 min
The Christian Union Absolves Guilt
Of those that attend their events for free food with no intention of converting.