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  • Writer's pictureSatire

Another White Man to Conduct Man-on-the-Street Interviews, Thank God

What Would We Do Without His Opinions and S***y Mic Quality?

By Maggie Johnson

Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio via Pixabay

In response to overwhelming requests (read: complete silence), yet another white man has joined the ranks of man-on-the-street interview TikTokers. On Monday morning, he announced his switch from primarily podcasting and crowd work to interview content, stating that “[his] friend just got a handheld mic off of Amazon so [he] thought it would be kinda chill”.

We’re excited to report that he will be conducting interviews only of wildly and dangerously intoxicated people, while himself being completely sober. He plans to locate his interviews on a boardwalk/strip/busy intersection of an unidentified major city, most likely in California, Florida, or New York. This will disrupt the flow of foot traffic and capture many people who are not interested in being on camera. Despite this, he plans to chase people down the sidewalk while shoving a phone camera with a detachable ring light in their faces. 

If these people who refuse to be interviewed are women, he will use slurs liberally. Indeed, he plans to interview almost exclusively incredibly traditionally attractive women, while editing his clips to make them come across as the dumbest people that have ever left their houses. Additionally, he will occasionally interview their boyfriends, with such titillating questions as “Do you allow your property (er, girlfriend) to interact with male cashiers?”, “Do you think you could do more press ups than me right now, while you are stumbling drunk?” and “Why should we never let women vote, and is it because they only care about how much money a man has?”.

When confronted with reason and or a lack of blatant misogyny from his interviewees, this man claims he has an airtight plan. He will begin to speak louder and more frequently, while also losing all sentence structure. He will also still edit and post this interaction, despite being clearly wrong, as “all money from TikTok is good money”. He will then engage in fights in the comments, the potential contents of which cannot be printed here. 

In terms of his editing style, he plans to stray from the neon captioning and royalty-free rap music that are characteristic of the genre. Instead, he has decided to forgo captions in order to make it harder for people with accommodation needs to access his content, and will instead use an “up and coming music producer’s stuff”, who was later revealed to be the friend with the microphone. This music will be played just slightly too loud to hear the conversation clearly. When asked about the hashtags he will be using, he provided a few examples, including #mensrights, #onlyfansdetected, and #biden2024, the last one included “for balance”. 

This man hopes that his entrance to the extensive canon of man-on-the-street interviews will provide a missing piece of the discussion. He claims that he has a unique perspective to add, and simply couldn’t let another day go by without adding his voice to the conversation. This reporter will remind you that the “conversation” in question is whether or not men and women should ever interact before their wedding day, and also if women can form sentences without stopping to think before every individual word. This newest TikToker hopes to inspire other young white men with t-shirts that are slightly too tight to take up their own microphones and spread their problematic opinions through leading questions.


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