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  • Writer's pictureSatire

The Absurdities of Concert Culture

Concerts Are Fun, I Promise 

By Kirstie Kinnaird


Photo Credit: Pexels via Pixabay


With the new year passing by, we have seen a rise of artists starting to send out dates of their tours. In other words, concerts, those modern-day rituals of musical worship, are a time-honoured tradition of sensory overload and social absurdity. From overpriced water bottles to the sacred rituals of the mosh pit, the symphony of absurdities in the world of live music has reached a crescendo that Mozart himself would find perplexing.


At concerts, one can observe a fascinating display of fashion choices that defy all logic. From strategically ripped jeans that seem to have been mauled by feral cats, to oversized hats that could provide shelter for a small family, the concertgoers' commitment to sartorial eccentricity knows no bounds. It's as if a tornado swept through a thrift store and deposited its findings directly onto the audience. Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour is seen as a fashion show, with many fans dressed up in low sparkly dresses or outfits which reflect the meaning of Taylor itself. I feel the pressure for an outfit for this concert is higher than everything else. Many concerts have their little details which reflect the artist such as numbers drawn on hands, pink cowboy hats, hair bows and much more. I mean if you miss out on these details, are you really a true fan? But don’t worry, once you are inside the concert venue, you are immediately thrust into the labyrinth of merch booths. Forget about the music; it's all about proving your undying devotion by spending your life savings on a t-shirt that will inevitably shrink after one wash. Nothing says "I was there" like a £50 piece of fabric that will soon be relegated to the back of your wardrobe, alongside other relics of regrettable fashion choices.


However, don’t worry, your basic needs are cheaper! In the outside world, you might pay a pound or even less for a bottle of water. But enter the hallowed grounds of a concert venue, and suddenly that bottle becomes a golden chalice with a price tag that could make billionaires blush. You're not just buying water; you're investing in hydration with a side of financial ruin. To be fair, they do give you free water, that is if you are only in the pit at the very front where security can see you. Good luck if you are under six feet. “I put my hand up for water and was ignored”, believe me I've been there. 


For those seeking a unique form of physical expression, the mosh pit presents an opportunity for chaotic ballet. Participants engage in a kinetic dance of collision and camaraderie, propelled by the primal urge to release pent-up energy in a whirlwind of flailing limbs and exuberant shouts. It's a spectacle that showcases the human capacity for controlled chaos, where bruises become badges of honour and personal space is but a distant memory. Seriously, you would think social distancing wasn’t a thing four years ago! Look out for those who are as high as a kite, for they don’t care about bashing into you or pushing their way through the crowd, certainly not even if you’ve lined up outside for hours. 


As the final notes fade into the night, the exodus from the concert venue begins. The sea of tired, exhilarated bodies navigates the labyrinth of exits and transportation options. Good luck getting out of the building in time for closing and catching your bus back to the hotel as each individual reflects on the sonic journey they've just experienced! The collective yearning for personal space and a return to normalcy transforms the crowd into a restless mass of humanity, bound by the shared absurdity of the concert experience.


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