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  • Writer's pictureSatire

Women’s History Month Cancelled in Favour of Everyone Getting Along Month

Everyone Should Just Calm Down a Bit

By Maggie Johnson

Photo Credit: AdinaVoicu via Pixabay

Huge news has struck this week as Women’s History Month has been replaced with Everyone Getting Along Month (or EGAM for short). This news comes as a result of a worldwide push for harmony and simplicity. 

Says one EGAM activist, Guy Everyman, “In this increasingly fractured world, what we need is to celebrate everyone, not just one group over another.”

Everyman is part of a group that advocates for EGAM, although earlier in his career he penned the first draft of a call for International Men’s Day and Men’s History Month. Since realising that his core anti-woman message was received much better when it is obfuscated behind calls for unity, he has switched to EGAM activism. 

When asked about the continuing issues faced by women globally, another EGAM activist, Gentle Mann, described “complete and total chaos for all of mankind, not just women.” He was not familiar with the concepts of gendered violence, the pay gap, or falling literacy rates. However, he did note that “it’s possible that people might not want to get along with other people that have actively endangered their rights,” and went on to add that “this would only be a problem in theory, as everyone is getting along this month.” 

This reporter could only find one female member of EGAM to interview. She refused to go on the record about her reasons for joining, but it should be noted that she was white, upper-class, and straight. Per her interview, “Everyone Getting Along Month is a day that celebrates women. It celebrates everybody, and rewards those that don’t push the boundaries, instead leaving the status quo.” 

EGAM activists have also released their list of reasons that Women’s History Month is no longer needed. See below:

  1. Women can totally vote, in, like, most places 

  2. We all already know who Rosa Parks is and stuff

  3. Women can be hired at jobs OR have a baby! What a privilege to be able to choose (but not do both, we’re not crazy) 

  4. This holiday doesn’t include men and that makes me feel bad 

As the month of March drags on, EGAM activists plan to celebrate their victory by not hiring or firing any women, in order to get along with everybody. They also hope that this international stage of a holiday month will bring more attention to their sister cause, What’s The Deal With Valentine’s Day Month (Isn’t That For Girls?).


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