A. Is this gossip session verging on bullying?
- It’s a good way to develop thick skin, it’s not like she can’t already see she’s fat and ugly.
- We are talking loudly directly in front of the victim, I mean, subject of conversation.
- Some light-hearted speculation never hurt anyone and the rumours aren’t about anything serious.
- We are being malicious and slandering with ill intent my friend’s evil ex.
B. Am I being actively homophobic?
- All I said was I don’t agree with their lifestyle, people are so sensitive these days.
- All gay men are one with the girlies! I just want a gay best friend! Ahaha girlypop.
- No?????
- Yes. I am part of the LGBTQ+ community.
C. Has my last statement made someone feel actively left out?
- — you just HAD to be there oh my god it was the funniest thing ever, dude why are you laughing you weren’t even there?
- There’s this weirdo hanging out with us and I am trying to give them a hint I don’t want them here so yes (some grey area on this).
- I am flirting aggressively with one person in the group, God I wish everyone would leave us alone.
- I’m open to making new friends and I love explaining funny inside jokes to new people.
D. Am I the weirdo who isn’t getting the hint?
- These lovely young ladies I approached in the bar are happy with me here because my seductive attire and witty repartee are irresistible to females.
- If I repeat this joke just one more time then everyone will laugh.
- Oh, so you hate neurodivergent people?? This is my special interest, I need this.
- I have crippling social anxiety and I have said one sentence in the last 5 minutes but even that feels like too far.
E. Am I being mind-numbingly boring?
- —and if we want to analyse this with a more conceptual framework then I think there’s some real wriggle room to improve on the budget—
- I have answered the last few questions directed at me with one-word answers and not asked a single question in return.
- I enjoy being curious and inquisitive and matching the energy in the room.
- —then the armadillo fell out of the plane and, you won’t believe this next part, the Italian priest hadn’t even had time to put on his vestments so he had to—(uproarious laughter).
1-5 — Yes, oh yes, dear god, shut up.
5-10 — You’re on thin ice pal, either wrap it up or gain some self-awareness.
10-15 — You’re doing fine, maybe add a bit of pizazz but you’re good.
15-20 — Full steam ahead! You’re being great company, no notes!