Students like you and I descend in droves into parties, pub crawls, club nights, haunted mansions, dark basements, evil sorcerer’s dungeons, and the like, all for one reason: HALLOWEEKEND babey!!
It’s hard to pick just one costume (and don’t worry if you can’t pick just one, apparently we have to get to celebrate for seven straight days!). Halloween is a prime opportunity to look hella sexy, because everyone between the ages of 18-24 is out! And they need someone to come home with them because taking out these vampire teeth is a two-person job.
You want to look good, but not too good because then it’s like, are you even trying to be scary? And I’ve heard that everyone secretly likes it better when you fully commit to being funny, but at what cost to your Instagram grid?
You don’t wanna try too hard in case that friend of a friend of a flatmate’s ex-boyfriend’s party isn’t a full costume event. Like would they even get that your smudged eyeliner used to be a spiderweb? But imagine the horror of arriving at a murder mystery not in full period dress and being berated by someone in a three-piece suit and top hat.
However, fear not! Let this guide be an unattached, zombie-like helping hand to your Halloween woes.
- Black Cat That Got Run-Over
What’s sexier than a classic black cat?? Nothing! But what’s slightly less sexy and a new creative take? Black cat that got run over! And it’s scary because it forces you to confront the reality of the world of losing a pet. You probably own a black shirt that you can easily add tire marks to.
- Ghost With a Snatched Waist
This one is all about looking good. Simply thrown on a sheet (which we all own more than one of, right?), and then corset it within an inch of your life. Bonus points for no trousers underneath. Plus, what’s scarier than the idea of taking your body insecurities with you into your next spirit life?
- Fire Blanket
This costume gives you the chance to let your friends shine. A firefighter is famously the sexiest profession to be (minus the daily exposure to carcinogens, lack of funding, insane work schedule, and requirement to have the worst haircuts possible), so let them be the firefighter and be the centre of attention for once! You can be the trusty fire blanket that they might use if it’s a tiny house fire. Materials needed: blanket.
- Time Traveler From 2025
Easily the most affordable option. Wear clothes that you don’t plan on getting rid of within three months and you’re golden. The scary part of this is the implication of time passing. The sexy part is you babygirl (gender-neutral usage). Bonus points if you predict any trends from next year.
- Honors Level Dissertation
The scariest thing about being a university student. Brr. Chills just writing this down. You’ll be avoided all night dressed as a dissertation, especially if it’s your own research. It’s very affordable, costing only the culmination of four years of your blood, sweat, tears, other bodily fluids, and hours of writing. I forgot to make this one sexy because it scared me so much. Whatever. Maybe you like research, freak.
