Situationship is a term every young person knows, but what does it actually mean? The idea of a situationship is to be with someone in a way that is deeper than a hookup but with no commitment to one another. It is a modern idea, evolving from the decline in hookup culture amongst young people. It seems that young people yearn for emotional connection without the bother of labels or the difficult conversations that come with proper relationships. But why do people seek thrills in the unknown? And why do people settle for the in between?
Part of the disregard for commitment comes from dating apps. The setup of these apps can make connections appear shallow and based purely on attraction to looks over personality. When initial attraction is based on looks rather than each other’s personalities, dating becomes impersonal and entirely about sex rather than connection. You like each other because it is convenient to do so, not because of anything deeper.
Through dating apps, you miss out on the opportunity to be looked at as anything other than a prospect to someone else. They do not care too much about you as an individual, just whether you are chill enough for a consistent sex life with an almost complete stranger. I think I am correct in this with the sheer number of stories I have heard about people going on dates and the other person not asking a single question about themselves, appearing aloof and disinterested on the date, but still expecting something at the end of the night.
However, despite this, people also tend to go for situationships because they allow closeness with someone they actually care about without the difficult parts of a relationship. It can maybe be suggested that situationships can be stronger than relationships as they encourage being an individual outside of the person you are seeing, something a lot of people forget about themselves while being part of a pair. University, especially, is a time where young people learn the most about themselves, and without the pressure of labels or commitment to someone else, they can continue to grow as a person without leaning on somebody else.
This sentiment is something I strongly disagree with. Commitment and labels do not stop personal growth; it actively encourages it. Nothing helps a person mature and grow more than overcoming difficult and scary conversations, not being otherwise disconnected from the person you are regularly shagging. So, do situationships really put less pressure on someone, or are they actually a fat waste of your time?
Situationships may allow for a brief connection, while simultaneously giving space to breathe, but I have never heard of a situationship ending happily or mutually. One person almost always falls harder and begins to desire the labels forbidden to them. This then makes the alleged emotional connection toxic, where one person ends up stomping all over someone else’s heart because that is what they agreed to. But if someone is going to crush your heart, should it not be someone who can admit to you that you are someone that they care about?
Someone always falls harder because of the lack of communication. Shouldn’t you be allowed to talk to someone you like about your feelings without feeling guilty about sharing? The lack of communication, I think, means that situationships are not fuelled by the emotional connection people in them claim they are. They are instead fuelled by physical attraction over anything else.
In theory, situationships are great for space yet commitment, intimacy yet detachment, labels without labels, but they just never pan out that way. They always end up just being another stress in your life, something that you were trying to avoid in the first place. People like to believe that there is safety in the ambiguity of situationships, but in the long run, they just cause confusion in boundary settings and feeling guilty for having emotions not expected of you. When it gets to the point that getting your heart crushed by someone who does not like you the way you like them is a “canon event,” then it might be time to admit there is something wrong in the way young people date.
If you want commitment, then ask; do not let someone treat you like an option. If you do not want commitment, do not put someone in a situation where they feel like they can’t ask more of you. That’s what hookups are for. If something is meant to be easy for both parties, then why are there so many stories of it being so difficult?
Overall, acceptance of the grey area created by situationships comes from people’s own insecurity, based on the needless guilt felt by feeling totally normal feelings for the person you are consistently seeing. I think situationships work on paper, but in the long run, create unhealthy boundaries and will have a detrimental impact on the navigation of long-term relationships in the future. If you never confronted your emotions before, how are you going to navigate them when you are with someone who wants all of you?
I think it is important to be stubborn with your boundaries and expectations of people when you are young; it is integral in making sure the bar is high when entering relationships. Do not let one person treat you like a choice when you could mean the world to someone else.
