Content Warning: discussions of abusive relationships
Romance has been a staple of the TV and film industry since its inception, a genre synonymous with warm and comforting, and generally an easy watch. Recently however, there has been a somewhat concerning trend of films and TV shows romanticising unhealthy or even abusive relationships, making abnormal behaviour something to be expected and dressing up violence or criminality as love. Where does this leave society —particularly the younger generations— in terms of relationship expectations and determining what is healthy and safe?
Romance has been portrayed on camera as early as 1896, with Thomas Edison’s The Kiss. This black and white film is touted as one of the earliest portrayals of love on screen, and was built upon in later films such as City Lights (1911), a silent Charlie Chaplin work that is arguably one of the most iconic romcoms of early TV and film. Bonnie and Clyde came in 1967, and demonstrated the more challenging sides of love in a wider context, whilst telling the story of the real-life couple during the Great Depression. Progression away from the classic love story was seen with Ali: Fear Eats the Soul in 1974, a film centred around an older single mother and a young immigrant.
The industry began to accept queer romances on screen around the 1980s, with My Beautiful Laundrette making its debut in 1985. While there are many examples of LGBTQ+ films, this one stands out due to its lack of stock tropes, such as romance being prevented by the death of one of the characters (which is completely overused if you ask me). The shift to the more recognisable romcom came in 1989 with When Harry Met Sally, setting the tone for the genre going forward.
Not all romances are healthy: historically, questionable or even abusive relationships have been portrayed through TV and film. Grease (1978) is a good example of the former. What seems like an innocent romance is actually quite a concerning demonstration of personality alteration: Sandy completely changed her image to fit in with Danny’s crowd, while he did very little in exchange. It is unsettling that the only way to a happy ending was for one person to give up their identity. Surely meeting in the middle would have been a better compromise?
Fairytales hold a reputation as being innocent stories for children, but Beauty and the Beast (1991) is a fairytale spawned from a nightmare. Belle was being held captive in exchange for her father’s life. While the love may have been real, it did not come from a good beginning; the princess was being held captive by the prince. Although it is not an issue that some unhealthy relationships are portrayed, what is concerning is that this portrayal is not only becoming more common, but is actually being recognised by some as romance.
This question was turned over to Instagram – thank you to everyone who answered the polls online! Out of 45 responses to the question ‘how much does TV/film romanticise unhealthy relationships’, 89% of responses were in agreement that this is an ongoing problem, with the vast majority of responses towards, if not at the maximum end of the scale. More disturbing were the responses to the other questions: when asked to name a show or film that romanticises or normalises unhealthy relationships, answers ranged from box sets like Grey’s Anatomy and Euphoria to cult classics such as Gilmore Girls and Normal People, all the way to film franchises like 50 Shades of Grey and After. More examples rolled in with the final question of ‘most harmful red flag romanticised in TV/film’, with 365 Days, It Ends With Us and House of the Dragon coming up multiple times.
Granted this is an incredibly small sample, but it demonstrates the widespread nature of the problem – it seems that across the industry, unhealthy relationships are being romanticised and even glorified. But the more pressing question is this: when these are the standards portrayed on-screen, where does that leave people’s expectations for relationships? Particularly when some of these films are at lower age ratings, the potential ramifications of such portrayals extend far beyond the present, into the After.
I’m sure many of you have come across the After franchise at some point, in book, film, or Wattpad form. Although the books are quite explicit, interestingly, the first film in the series is rated PG-13, whilst the rest are R-rated (roughly equivalent to a 15 in the UK). Why is the door being opened to this series, which among other things presents controlling and possessive behaviour as romance, to children as young as thirteen years old? Pretty Little Liars is the TV side of this coin. A PG series that lasted for seven years, one of the main relationships was between a teacher and a high school student. There are so many issues with this, however I would say the biggest of them all is that the series gave this ‘couple’ a happy ending, justifying a serious breach of trust and abuse.
This is only scaled up with the age ratings: You (an 18 on Netflix) appears to have successfully romanticised stalking; Joe Goldberg, Will Bettleheim or whatever he goes by these days has a certain amount of fascination attached to his behaviour that verges on dangerous. No spoilers, but his criminality seems to gain a certain amount of justification and even acceptance by the time the credits roll on the final season. This is a concerning standard, to say the least.
Romance isn’t perfect. Not every story has a happy ending, and it is important for this to be shown on screen. However, this is not to say that dangerous, abusive or even criminal behaviour should be displayed in a positive light. There are so many TV shows and films that turn red flags into roses, and this has to stop. The industry needs to take a step back and re-evaluate the messages they are sending to viewers, lest the ‘RomCon’ reign supreme.