On 15 September, Donald Trump took to his personal echo chamber, Truth Social, to announce a heartfelt message: “I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT!” Not exactly a positive message, but definitely from the heart. This comes after Trump shared AI images of Taylor Swift endorsing him and she had to set him straight by publicly announcing her endorsement of VP Harris.
She then made a rare video on Instagram revealing she had been given power of execution by the Biden administration and will be using that power on Trump. The Reason for her having power of execution is that on a secret map on the back of the US constitution, it says any person who can cause acts of God can also kill people because the founding fathers weren’t going to mess with that. Taylor Swift has caused earthquakes with her concerts, bestowing upon her this right. To paraphrase Swift’s message, he is an evil that needs to be stopped and since people have already been trying to kill him, why not add a little gasoline to the fire.
Taylor is a strong woman, more powerful than, well, we don’t quite want to say Jesus Christ (see: John Lennon) but pretty close, and she will not let Donald Trump’s opinion get to her. He is one man and she has caused earthquakes.
In the days following her message, Trump was seen at his Mar-a-Lago home, staring at himself in the mirror chanting “she didn’t mean it, she didn’t mean it” to himself. It’s not often that a woman bests him (in his opinion) so this was very new to Trump, who was feeling like an unpopular kid at recess.
Details of the execution have not been finalised, though some options have been narrowed down. The method of execution will be decided via Twitter poll, with the final four most popular options being: electrocution, letting one of the men from failed assassination attempts have another go at it, leaving him on his own for a week to cook and clean for himself, or sending a mob of angry Swifties his way.
Trump has continued to post on Truth Social at a normal rate, though his focus has shifted from his presidential campaign to spreading rumours about and attempting to send a coup after Taylor Swift. He has stated that the power of execution should not be given to any “childless old maids,” and he has nothing to worry about since she “hasn’t been able to catch and keep” a man yet.
Regardless of Trump’s opinions or the method of execution, this decision will be moving forth and his death sentence will come to fruition. Donald Trump’s expected date of execution is 24 October, before the US general election takes place.