{"id":4857,"date":"2024-11-06T12:04:25","date_gmt":"2024-11-06T12:04:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/press\/?p=4857"},"modified":"2024-12-05T12:26:54","modified_gmt":"2024-12-05T12:26:54","slug":"fetty-wap-eligible-for-a-lesser-sentence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/index.php\/satire\/2024\/11\/06\/fetty-wap-eligible-for-a-lesser-sentence\/","title":{"rendered":"Fetty Wap eligible for a lesser sentence"},"content":{"rendered":"

In May 2023, Fetty Wap was sentenced to 6 years in prison for the crimes he meticulously laid out in his song, \u201cTrap Queen\u201d. Today, that could be turned around, if Fetty Wap opens his eye socket to the possibility. Mr. Wap\u2019s sentence could be decreased by three years if the judge is allowed to stick his fingers in the eye socket. In Judge Petersen\u2019s words, he wants to \u201cget all up in there.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

It is yet to be determined if the Constitution allows this, but no one\u2019s really stopping it because they all want to see what\u2019s going to happen. One juror stated: <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThis is clearly wrong morally but how else will I know if the socket is wet or not?\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This juror was subsequently kicked off the jury for being a little too excited. The rest of them know Judge Petersen is a freak but really want the time off of work.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Originally, this new deal came about because Fetty Wap recently turned 33. His lawyer brought up that Mr. Wap is now the same age as Jesus when he died for our sins. According to him: <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cShould Fetty Wap not also get the chance to be reborn?\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Judge Petersen allowed this on grounds of respecting Christianity. No one believes this is why he agreed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Because Fetty Wap is imprisoned in Ohio, where the laws are vague and incomprehensible, court decisions like this are perfectly reasonable and a common occurrence. The state knows about this problem but not much else happens in Ohio and they like to be entertained.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When asked his opinion, Fetty Wap said he thinks this is messed up but wants to get back to his life: his children, his 37 cars, his 24 houses, and his drug empire. He was advised not to say that last part. When released from prison, Mr. Wap wants to have a new song called \u201cI Also Sold Drugs in Prison.\u201d He does not seem to understand the concept of secrets and his lawyers do not like him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The terms of this agreement remain unclear but from what our reporters can say it is simple. In exchange for three years off Fetty Wap\u2019s sentence, with no impact on conditions of parole or conditions in prison, the judge will be allowed to open up Fetty Wap\u2019s eye and wiggle a finger around in there. Again, Fetty Wap thinks this is sick, but he really hates prison. Understandable, Mr. Wap.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Some human rights groups have questioned whether this is ethical to do to a prisoner who doesn\u2019t have any real options to get out of prison earlier. Like the jury, most people are a bit too invested than they are upset at Fetty Wap\u2019s treatment. All in all, Judge Petersen is a bit unusual in his methods, but my goodness we need to know what he says that eye socket is like. Will it be slippery and slimy? Dry like the desert? Hungry like the wolf? Is this incredibly offensive? More answers to come soon.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In May 2023, Fetty Wap was sentenced to 6 years in prison for the crimes he meticulously laid out in his song, \u201cTrap Queen\u201d. Today, that could be turned around, if Fetty Wap opens his eye socket to the possibility. Mr. Wap\u2019s sentence could be decreased by three years if the judge is allowed to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":4866,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"advgb_blocks_editor_width":"","advgb_blocks_columns_visual_guide":"","tdm_status":"","tdm_grid_status":"","iawp_total_views":12,"footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[848,851,849,850],"wf_post_folders":[228],"class_list":["post-4857","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-satire","tag-fetty-wap","tag-jury","tag-prison-sentence","tag-trap-queen"],"acf":[],"author_meta":{"display_name":"Marlee Silverman","author_link":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/index.php\/author\/marleesilverman\/"},"featured_img":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/Photo-Credit_-KATRIN-BOLOVTSOVA-Pexels-300x200.jpg","coauthors":[],"tax_additional":{"categories":{"linked":["Satire<\/a>"],"unlinked":["Satire<\/span>"]},"tags":{"linked":["Fetty Wap<\/a>","Jury<\/a>","Prison Sentence<\/a>","Trap Queen<\/a>"],"unlinked":["Fetty Wap<\/span>","Jury<\/span>","Prison Sentence<\/span>","Trap Queen<\/span>"]}},"comment_count":"0","relative_dates":{"created":"Posted 2 years ago","modified":"Updated 2 years ago"},"absolute_dates":{"created":"Posted on 6 November 2024","modified":"Updated on 5 December 2024"},"absolute_dates_time":{"created":"Posted on 6 November 2024 12:04","modified":"Updated on 5 December 2024 12:26"},"featured_img_caption":"A hammer hitting a gavel. Credit: Katrin Bolovtsova.","series_order":"","amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4857","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/44"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4857"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4857\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4869,"href":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4857\/revisions\/4869"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4866"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4857"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4857"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4857"},{"taxonomy":"wf_post_folders","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gaudie.co.uk\/wpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/wf_post_folders?post=4857"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}