Art imitates life. I see it everywhere. Whether it is through gender norms within TV shows, or gender norms pushed on characters through the screen by viewers, the patriarchy finds a way to ooze through the media.
The standards female characters are held to compared to their male counterparts are more harsh, more strict and infinitely more hateful. Repeatedly, I have seen male super villains get more grace than their female victims. These fictional men can be flawed, and people will protect and justify them, while simultaneously expecting the women to move on and stop being so dramatic. I think this is due to an increase of complex women on screen, an increase the people are not prepared for, especially when people cannot deal with the complicated women in real life.
I found online, people begged for female characters to be complex, to go beyond being the love interest but also an individual in their own right. And although I respect that some of the women below are not likeable, you have to admit they are everything people have been asking for. I am not asking you to like them, but to appreciate that at least some writers are making women more than just a plot point.
The finale of You came out this year and it blew up my For You Page on TikTok. What I saw was more hate and criticism for the female victims than for the protagonist, a stalker serial killer.
His first victim, Candace, got hate for not leaving him alone, and choosing to try and protect the other women, Beck ‘deserved to die’ for cheating, Kate was too cold and Marriane and Bronte were ‘too ugly’ to have been a victim. The overall rating of the women’s looks was disappointing but not surprising. For Marriane in particular, the only way I can explain it is that people have a subconscious bias against a WOC being a victim, a contrast to the rest of the victims. But when women get hate for trying to be good like Candace, but also for being in the wrong, like Beck, it really looks like there is no way of winning. Saying someone ‘deserved to die’ also is just a stark reflection of the people around you. If someone can think that severely about a fictional character, how do you think they think about you?
The second season of the show explored Joe’s backstory. It depicted a troubled childhood in foster care and him needing to protect his mother, explaining the way he treats women as an adult. And while I understand that people are victims of their environment, you have to draw the line: no-one he stalked, attacked or killed did anything to him as a child. These women also had complicated childhoods, but only one became a murderer. People do not look at Beck as a victim of her environment; instead, they eat up the depiction of her almost exclusively through the eyes of her stalker.
Devi Vishwakumar from Never Have I Ever was disliked for different reasons. There has never been a main character to have consistently made the wrong decision whilst being consistently annoying, with which I do emphasise. However, when you really look at yourself, are you going to say you’ve never felt that way? That somehow you always make the wrong decision somehow. I know I have; I just feel that she is an emblem of this feeling. She is also 16 years old in the first season – being stupid just comes with that age. On top of this, it is important that we get to see Devi apologise for every wrong and grow as a person.
It is also forgotten that Devi was grieving at the start of the show, after experiencing a loss that put her in a wheelchair. This is overlooked by not just the people around her in the show, but also the viewer. Loss is not something you just overcome, and the lack of sympathy I felt she got was a little upsetting. This, on top of navigating school, relationships, and battles with her own identity as an Indian woman, shows how complex Devi was, and although she made terrible decisions – like two-timing Ben and Paxton – she was really just trying her best to function as a human being.
The MCU became open to desexualised female superheroes, while the viewer did not. Captain Marvel was the first female superhero to get her own movie, and I loved her. What I saw as self-assurance, others saw as arrogance, but I thought people loved that in a superhero. Was Ironman not arrogant? Was Loki loved for his humbleness? I think not. Guess the difference.
She was also incredibly desexualised compared to early Black Widow and Scarlet Witch, and even Wonder Woman (not to jump to a different franchise). I think this caused hate, as she was not there just to ogle over, but to be the main hero. Her defiance of gender norms, by just being a person instead of a TV woman, caused there not to be a second movie, and the character got sidelined.
This next woman may be one of the most hated women on TV. Emily Waltham in Friends was labelled as controlling, manipulative and evil. I beg you to put yourself in her shoes. The man she loved said another woman’s name at the altar. The fact she tried to fix the relationship at all makes her a better woman than me. So, while she was controlling by the end, it was just this poor woman’s desperation for the man she loves to love her the same way. Emily was used as a way to lengthen the Ross and Rachel storyline, and what we really saw was Ross taking a lovely, outgoing woman and tearing her apart. So realistically, Ross should be seen as the ultimate antagonist, not Emily. She was really just a victim of a situationship that got out of hand, and I know that should resonate heavily with some of you.
I could go on with examples further supporting me, whether this be Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls, Jenny Humphrey from Gossip Girl, or even Debbie Gallagher from Shameless. People put themselves on a pedestal when looking at the actions of female characters, but I always find myself thinking that I would not be any better if I found myself in their circumstances. When you see a flawed reaction, or a difficult decision on screen, it is always good to double check yourself: how would you react? This is why I defend them, as just like in life, people view women without seeing them as a person before they are a woman. They have to be pretty, they have to be kind, and they have to accept the actions of their male counterparts.
So next time you watch something, just think: who are you actually more like? The Emily Walthams and the Devi Vishwakumars, or the Joe Goldbergs and the Ross Gellers?
