• The Gaudie

Young People Drinking Less Than Ever

A recent survey has found that one in three young people are turning their backs on alcohol and opting to get mashed off their face with ketamine instead.


by Gary Stevens

a very pretty horse via Pixabay


A number of factors have been attributed to this change in drinking habits, some of which may be the increasing costs associated with a night out and the increasing concern for individual’s health.


The increasing availability of drugs like cocaine, MDMA, and ketamine is also thought to be a factor. An inside source confirmed that all of these drugs are considerably more fun and easier to consume while dancing than eight pints of lager.


In an attempt to uncover the appeal of these drugs The Gaudie was able to arrange an interview with a local student drug dealer, Trigger, who supplies the local student club scene.


“Well, I usually have a lot of Ket laying around after my prescription and could use a bit of extra cash, it’s better they get the clean stuff from me than a dodgy dealer. I have to take short hiatuses during Cheltenham or The National, but I usually let someone else take over for then”


While drug consumption is thought to be one of the drivers of this new trend, several commentators have also suggested that young people are simply focusing more on their studies as slow decline into late-capitalism starts to take hold, and the potential economic collapse after Brexit becomes a reality, prompting students to dedicate more time to their studies and career development, like a bunch of nerds.


While first hand research would have improved this article, our requests for funding were denied by the Gaudie treasury.

Latest Articles