Worth Waiting For
Give love a chance...one day
Photo courtesy of tOrange
by Kitty Shcherbatskaya
I was enamoured by a charming man a few months ago, who knew every right thing to say, every little glance, every touch, every compliment. I knew all he wanted was to take me to bed, and show me the door not one minute after. I didn’t care; I enjoyed the flattery, the attention, the romantic tone he so carefully struck. In the end, however, I chose not to go home with him. The next week he cautiously avoided my eye and, upon my brief request that we simply remain friends, before the words left my mouth, he had taken off running away from my unthreatening question. I never felt more relieved than in that moment. I know myself, and I know what it would have done to me to sleep with him and hold nothing the next day save for empty promises and poisonous charm.
Perhaps you’ll call me overdramatic, perhaps you’d be right. But I know my mind. More than that, I know how many broken-hearted girlfriends have cried on my shoulder, clutching a bottle of vodka in their arms where hours ago the man who promised them the world once was. We are not made to endure so much empty hope and heartache. More to the point, we don’t deserve it. Now there will be exceptions to my narrative, and this article may not relate to those people. This is my perspective, and it’s one that I feel deserves its time in the spotlight. I can only write as a straight woman, so I cannot speak to the LGBT dating scene. But as straight women, we have found ourselves hurt and confused by the dating culture which we, as students, exist within: a rollercoaster of anticipation, followed by desertion. The men we meet are not bad people, not conscious of what it is they are doing to women, the pain that they cause. How many counsellors’ rooms are filled with girls who cry themselves to sleep at night because they gave someone their most intimate, vulnerable selves… only to be met by a cold shoulder and polite cordiality the very next day? This same guy who held her close and soothed her wounds, became the one to open them again and leave new ones in his wake.
I have never had sex. I’m going to be blunt. I have never had a partner undress me, or do more than merely kiss me. You’re either laughing or rolling your eyes right now, perhaps, but it’s not my job to convince you. All I want is to share my perspective; hear me out, please, let me finish.
For most of us, at some point in life, we envision ourselves getting married. Perhaps settling down, having children, and exploring our own incredible adventure together. This idea is a distant speck in the future for most of us in our late teens and our twenties. We are young, and the world is our oyster. When I think about marriage, it terrifies me: scares the living crap out of me. The idea of binding myself to one person for life is no small thing, it’s falling without a parachute. I know, though, that one day, when I’m ready, this person will be the single, most incredible investment of my life. My greatest commitment; my unbreakable promise. The person that I build a family with, laugh, cry and struggle with. It won’t be easy; anyone who tries to sell marriage as a lovable fairy tale is laughable at best, and destructive at worst. But nothing worth having was ever won easily.
Now to tackle that central myth about anyone who is waiting for marriage. We don’t want to have sex? Like. Hell. We are burning alive over here, every glance, every touch, a live wire, electricity crackling across our skin, blood boiling in our veins. Madonna wasn’t joking when she wrote “Like a Virgin.” I’m not waiting because I don’t want to have sex. I’m waiting because I want to wait for something better. The one I choose to love for my life is the only one who I want to explore and enjoy something so incredible with. No empty promises, no broken flattery, no humiliating notch on some frozen fuckboy’s bedpost. If you enjoy and are unhurt by casual sex, I’m not advocating on your behalf. For those who have been hurt too many times, you are too valuable to be hurt even once, you deserve the world, nothing less. I am so glad that I did not go home with the man who promised empty empires to me on a dime. You are lovely and beautiful and worth every word of love and affection you have been given. Be kind to yourself. No one who hurts you could ever deserve you. You are worth so much more than them. Toast the best wine and delight in the best chocolate in celebration of yourself. Because better things are on the horizon, and you are worthy of every single one of them.