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  • Writer's pictureSatire

Womanhood After Barbie

Now That Feminism is Over, What’s Next?

By Marlee Silverman

Photo credit: Andrea Piacquadio via Pexels

Now that the Barbie movie has left theatres, I feel my place in society as a woman is called into question. Is feminism even real, or was it just a marketing ploy? Why was it so wrong for little girls to imagine themselves as mothers and nothing else? Because of this, I had to look inward to decide what being a woman means to me, and I realised that I don't want to make decisions anymore! I needed to return to the way of life that our ancestors lived and become a Trad Wife. I now know exactly what I was put on this Earth to do: submit to my husband. Nowhere do I feel as fulfilled and useful as when I am wearing a grey floor-length dress and apron while I make TikToks about how liberal women don’t love their husbands.

I start every morning by drinking coffee, making breakfast, and going on TikTok live to tell my followers that women who don’t obey their husbands’ every command are going to Hell. I have quite the following and have been able to convert many women to the Trad Wife lifestyle! Some people have told me that I’m “damaging society” and “insane” but I don’t let the hate get to me. I understand that some people are simply on a path to eternal suffering in the fiery depths of Hell and I am unable to stop their sinning. I’ll wave at them as they go.

There is true freedom in homeschooling my children Maverick and Ashleigh (I recently renamed them to fit my new aesthetic) and teaching them about the Amazon Prime-edition Bible. I get to choose their educational needs instead of letting the woke liberal agenda teach them about science and sodomy (god, I miss sodomy). Little Mavy just learned how to assemble a shotgun!

The Barbie Movie never mentioned how fulfilling life could be from simply making three meals a day for my husband and children, doing his laundry, burping him after he eats, raising the toilet seat for him, and looking out my windows because I’m not allowed outside! Previously, issues of inequality and sexism stressed me out, but now that my husband does the thinking for me, I’ve never been happier! My marriage has been perfect ever since I realised that, as the man of the house, my husband is closer to God than I am; disrespecting him would be disrespecting God.

I’ve never been more relaxed and sure of myself in my life! I feel connected to my ancestors and I know I am doing right by them and by God. Oops, I just heard my husband get home! Don’t tell him about this, I’m not allowed to write anymore.


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