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  • Writer's pictureSatire

Why I Don’t Deserve a 9:00 AM Class

Updated: Oct 24, 2023

Sincerely, A Tired Student

By Maggie Johnson

Photo credit: Pixabay

I write this letter as an absolute last resort. I have tried everything else. I have refreshed MyTimetable, I have sobbed on the phone to uni staff, I have sent threatening emails, I have changed my degree six times, and, yet somehow I STILL can’t seem to avoid at least one 9 am lecture a week.

All I’m left with is a fractured sleep schedule and some questions. Why does the university want me to fail? Why does the universe seem intent on punishing me in the cruellest of ways? Why would you even let a 9 am class happen in the first place?

This essay is a desperate plea. I have done some intense soul searching, and I can only assume that this atrocious treatment is the result of a mistake or horrific joke on the part of my guardian angel. Because I do not deserve this.

Even I have attended upwards of fifty percent of my classes since I arrived at Aberdeen uni. Even when it was raining! When I lived at Hillhead, I risked slipping down the wretched death trap of a path to campus to get to classes. Battling the elements (and frequently a hangover) almost every day, I have put in the time for this degree. I even retweeted one of the university's posts one time! And how does the university repay me? A 9 am lecture.

If this is not the fault of the university, and instead someone higher up the ladder of the universe, I would like to tell them now that I am a good person! I put my shopping trolley back after a food shop (usually; I’m not a saint). I once helped an elderly lady cross the street. Did she want to cross the street? I’m not sure. But I helped her! Whether she wanted me to or not! That’s just the kind of person I am.

Does the university/universe know that sleep deprivation is the most effective form of torture out there? I wouldn’t wish a 9 am class on a war criminal. I would rather be kept in a dungeon for years than wake up in time for 9 am.

So please, readers of the Gaudie, hear my cry for help. Someone out there must have the ability to fix this atrocity. Because if I have to attend a 9 am lecture this semester, I don’t think I wi– zzzzzzzzzzz…


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