• The Gaudie

Where is the love?

Why we should maybe give less of a fuck about fucking

Photo courtesy of Antoinette Siu

by Marlene Rӧssler


Using the words of the world famous 21st century artist will.i.am, I want to start out by putting my second favourite L word on the table.


How come our microcosmos of happy go lucky twenty somethings is so utterly divided? In the left corner there’s camp “there is no such thing as love” and to our right we can see camp “finding the One is the only chance for happiness”. The answer is simple: we are young and passionate, so having strong opinions on a matter we have no clue about is just what we do. We are all entitled idiots who think we’ve got it figured out. Believers and non-believers, no matter how frustrating they are, both have good points. 


As a chronic non-believer in all ways possible, I want to put a disclaimer here: In no way am I qualified to give relationship advice to any creature under the sun. Nonetheless, I keep walking this world with an ‘When I see it I’ll believe it’ attitude because completely giving up is just too 2016.

While we are living in the age of ghosting and matching with your boss on tinder, I think I speak for all of us when I say “I’m confused”. As an awkward nerd with no social skills and a high sex drive I was thrilled when I first discovered tinder. But now just opening the app feels like the first drag of your daily cigarette; you know it’s not a great long-term solution but screw it right? 


If we’re not allowed to be young and dumb then what’s the point of this whole Uni thing, eh?

In the end, we don’t give a fuck. We don’t give a fuck about ourselves, our health and our inability to take responsibility for our actions. Babyboomers call us narcissists because we’ve slowly lost touch with the vague concept of giving a fuck.


Let's take a minute to think about our relationships. Do we actually care about them or just ourselves? Have we ever neglected cleaning up the messes we've made? Have we created images of people in our heads and fallen for them instead of listening to these people? Do we put people into boxes two minutes into getting to know them? If we are the sum of our actions, maybe it’s worth being nice to each other. 


Sure, after the next tinder hook-up we will feel good for some time but we owe it to ourselves to create something meaningful in our lives. Because if all our connections are superficial one-night stands then this is it. This is us. Where is the love in that?


In the end, I think falling in love is like having an orgasm; if you’re only kind of sure that you’ve felt it, it probably wasn’t real.


So, create something real. Even if it’s just by opening up more to the people around you. By being honest (that includes being honest to your hook-ups – seriously) about the way you’re feeling. And if you’re that kind of person: no – talking about your feelings does not make you look less strong, confident or less self-assured.


So, what I’m desperately trying to say is this. If you love someone; tell them. But also, if you don’t love someone, please God, tell them too! Don’t waste time living a lie or settling for someone. And don’t waste other people’s time. Put the time you just gained to good use. And if you feel you’ve got too much time and no one to give your love to then just keep it for later. Trust me, you’ll need them soon enough.

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