• The Gaudie

I Don't Care What Time You Were Born, Tell Me What You Study

Your Freshers Horoscope


by Abbie Morrice

image courtesy of mydomaine.com, edited by Abbie Morrice


Medicine

Expect: “Oh my God you must be so smart. Can you do surgery on me? Haha. Yeah, I wanted to be a doctor when I was a kid too. Why do you all have different societies from the rest of the uni? Is it cause you think you’re better than us? Haha x”

What will change? You’re definitely doing less work than you did in sixth year.

Your reality: Why did I need 57 Highers and 12 Advanced Highers to come and study at a uni everyone thinks is crap because it’s not Edinburgh?


Law

Expect: “Haha yeah I like Law & Order SVU too! Do you really think it’s as hard as medicine? It’s not. Am I a medicine student? Haha, no…”

Also: Everyone on your course has a lot to say about AUSA.

What will change? Didn’t know short Latin phrases before? Get ready to inject them into your daily life at a completely unnecessary time!

 Your reality: No human should ever be expected to do this much reading.


English

Expect: “Oh, so what do you expect to do after uni? I’m a bookworm too haha I just don’t see the need to dedicate my degree to it. Do you not know enough English already?”

Also: Not as many people on your course will dress like troubled poets as you expect. Speak to the ones that do; they always have a lighter.

What will change? Your enjoyment of reading.

Your reality: Yes, I absolutely did the reading and am not relying on a group of people who did different parts of the reading to write this essay.


Engineering

Expect: “Aye, well, oil and gas isna fit it used to be. Back in my day abdy could be an engineer. Hope at renewables works oot! Jist as weel you’re in Scotland haha!”

What will change? Your career prospects since you decided to do this degree.

Your reality: Maths.


Physics

Expect: “Wow! You must be SO smart! I like science but I suppose I’m more of an artsy person myself haha. Are you, like, Einstein?”

Also: “Did you only get into physics so you could be like Carl Sagan? That’s cute.”

What will change? Nothing. Physics is just as ridiculously hard as it was at school. Also, maths.

Your reality: They really should update these textbooks.


Mathematics

Expect: Absolutely no bridge between what you learned at school and what you learned now. You only needed Higher to get here, and that’s nowhere near enough to prepare you for the insanity that is first year algebra and calculus.

What will change? Yes, I liked maths at school too. It’s fun while it lasts.

Your reality: It can’t be legal for lecturers to go this fast and not reply to my email about the homework. It just can’t be.


History

Expect: Lecturers that are really, really invested in their subject, and at least two guys who are a little too into military history.

What will change? Not that much. If you thought you were done with the World Wars and the French Revolution after school, think again!

Your reality: IF EVERYONE NEEDS THIS BOOK THEN WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE COPY IN THE LIBRARY?


Business Management

Expect: No one likes you. I’m sorry.

What will change? You will be expected to go out a lot. And you will. You will also be expected to play a sport. And you will. See: Rugby.

Your reality: Extensions for coursework are literally not a problem. Ever. Maybe in fourth year.


Biomedical Sciences

Expect: “Biomedical science? Is that, like, biology?”

What will change? Your will to live.

Your reality: You wanted to study medicine, didn’t you?


Film & Visual Culture

Expect: Cloudy with a chance of girls who really like Heathers and guys who really like Tarantino. At least one guy who claims the reason he likes A Clockwork Orange so much has nothing to do with glorified violence and everything to do with how his life was changed after he was gifted the Stanley Kubrick Archives book.

Also: To be asked out on cinema dates by people who think the IT remake was the scariest film ever made.

What will change? Your dress sense becomes less ASOS and more ASOS Marketplace.

Your reality: You wish you were at Gray’s, don’t you?


Politics & International Relations

Expect: At least half your year to be doing this degree. AT LEAST.

What will change? We see your motivations deteriorating as you realise half the grads in Aberdeen are trying to get a job with this bloody degree. Maybe take up a society.

Your reality: It’s simply not fair that we can’t record lectures on international relations!!!


Sociology

Expect: Students who think of themselves as the smart one in their friend group and end up with a false sense of confidence that leads them to believe they know everything about literally everything.

Also: More conspiracy theorists than you were prepared for.

What will change? Your sense of self. Every couple of weeks. Get ready to realise you’ve never had an original thought in your life and to be made more and more depressed about the state of the world. The more you revise, the better your grades, and the worse your outlook.

Your reality: Karl Marx did not die for me to sit and listen to people who think their views on race are ground-breaking.

Latest Articles

©2019 by The Gaudie.