• Gaudie Satire

EXCLUSIVE: Gaudie News Editor sensationally quits after argument with colleague

Oldest student newspaper in Scotland (according to the Guardian) rocked by explosive argument


by: Ma Hatemail Weit & Lu Elongation

Image Courtesy of ROCK


Today, April 1st, the much-acclaimed News Editor of the Gaudie, Anttoni Numminen quit, storming out of the now virtual Gaudie office to the shock of his colleagues. This came after a charged argument with the Gaudie’s Social Media, Events, Public Relations, Clothing Co-Ordinator and TikTok Star, Matthew Angell, over how Numminen procures News for the Gaudie.


The heated argument, which took place over Microsoft Teams, resulted in Numminen getting up, saying “Okay, I’m done with this. Sorry. Can’t do this.”

He then left the Teams call, leaving team members astounded. Angell described what had just happened as “absolutely diabolical behaviour.” He cried "Anttoni, come back" to no avail. Co-editor, Jeevan Bains, was left to pick up the pieces.


“I only suggested he may have forced the principal, George Boyne, to travel to Wales in order to generate content,” said a visibly shocked Matthew. “He has always had an unhealthy obsession with principals, you should see his shrine to Ian Diamond”, former Principal and now Chief Statistician for the United Kingdom. “I am not saying all Gaudie News is fake or constructed, but under Anttoni’s reign, I’ve seen some dubious things that I am afraid to discuss for the safety of myself and the producers.” Numminen refused to comment on these claims.


The Arts Editor, Rory Buccheri, seems to be the only one supporting Numminen’s outburst. It is unclear whether she has a vested interest in his status at the paper. The producers of the show, Emilia Nuotio and Rosie Benny commented: “Following discussions with us, Anttoni Numminen has decided now is the time to leave the Gaudie. The Gaudie has accepted this decision and has nothing further to add.” This episode comes after a troubling year for Benny and Nuotio, who have not been able to fulfil a key part of producing a newspaper – printing news on paper.


The Gaudie reports that Numminen is now, alongside film critic Amy Smith, planning a hostile takeover of the Gaudie from its current producers, planning to oust Angell at the same time.

Sources suggest Numminen is under the belief that "Benny, Nuotio and Angell have been working maleficently together all year” and that “it's time the Gaudie was taken back under control”. Favourites to replace Numminen include Mathilde Communal, famed in the city for her baked goods, and taste in pancakes, alongside Isti Miskolczy, a Hungarian and avid collector of hats.


According to insider knowledge, Numminen has now been offered a temporary new job alongside Amy Smith at either the Label or the Granite Tulip.


In other news: Gaudie Elections have a shockingly high turnout at 70%, compared to the industry standard of 7%, while Life & Style has the best recipe for Tuna pancakes.

Following: an undercover Gaudie Sports investigation which shockingly finds Matthew Angell, the Student Council Chair and Matthew Angell, Gaudie Social Media, and Events coordinator to be the same person.


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