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  • Writer's pictureSatire

Defund Everything. New Campaign Emerges on Campus

Updated: Feb 11, 2021

Image source: idc


Article by Autusi Parry | 02/02/2021


Give us our meals deals back.


A new pressure group has emerged on campus with the intent to have every student organisation defunded and the resulting financial windfall to be returned to students.

Originally only targeting The Gaudie the group is now calling for the wholesale defunding of the Aberdeen University Students Association, the body which represents students and organises events on campus, along with other functions.

The ultimate goal of the campaign apparently being the return of £3 student membership fees. The campaign assures the public this will be enough to buy a supermarket meal deal, a staple of meny students diets. The specifics of which meal deal, the drinks included, and the highest value sandwich/snack combination are not specified, drawing doubt on the research behind the claim

When pressed for comment on the issue a source close to the AUSA President said:

"Taking into consideration inflation, the cost of a supermarket meal deal will most likely go up soon anyway and Sabbatical Officers need to eat, too."

In response to the accusations of Cecilia being a follower of the campaign the source went on:

"It's been a long con, but Cecilia is excited and she feels she’s finally getting the public support she needs to break AUSA from the inside."

The previous campaign to defund The Gaudie Student newspaper was a full success and the editorial team has been driven into the ruins of Crombie Halls to scratch next semesters printed editions onto stolen napkins and to subsist entirely on rainwater and grass.


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