• The Gaudie

Dear Straight Men

What is your obsession with anal sex?

by Ann Summer

I am a woman who likes sex. I am not opposed to a random one night stand, in fact some may say I am rather partial to them. As such I have come across my fair share of weirdos and freaks, guys and gals who are into all sorts of kinky shit. Despite the variety of people and kinks, one thing keeps cropping up. There is one thing that everyone seems to want to tick of their sexual to do list. Whether I am flirting with a guy in a club or sexting some dude on tinder, one thing seems to be of particular fascination to the male of this species and to be frank, I don’t understand it and I would like someone to explain. 


What is the male obsession with anal sex? 


Seriously, what is it? Sometimes it’s a serious suggestion from a fuck buddy who is curious, other times it’s a simple one word question from a fuckboy over messenger. Either way, every guy I have ever hooked up with has requested or referenced it in some shape or form. I can’t be the only one that this is happening to. Ladies, back me up here please. Don’t get me wrong, everyone should be able to let their freak flag fly high but this seems to be a thing everyone is obsessed with. 


Personally, I don’t really get it. It’s like driving off road to me – why would you drive through a field, that is not made for cars really at all, when there is a perfectly good road right there, made for driving on. It makes sense when there is nothing to drive on but a field, to continue this slightly gross metaphor, but otherwise, use the road man. 


I don’t know if it’s porn that’s driving this obsession. Guys have suddenly discovered an extra orifice they can claim as their own thanks to the wonders of widespread adult films. It’s so mainstream now that I’m guessing some people feel they are missing out if this isn’t something they’ve tried.  Even then, it’s worth saying that porn is not real life and anal sex rarely goes quite so smoothly as it does in the movies. On a side note, if you are copying porn exactly then I guarantee whoever you’re fucking does not enjoy it nearly as much they are pretending to. It takes a whole lot more lube and communication than movie magic lets on. 


It’s strange because these same guys who are trying to tick this off their sexual bucket list are the same guys who say that the idea of having anal sex with a guy is gross and somehow unnatural. The only thing worse than homophobia, is inconsistency. 


There is I suppose one upside: no chance of a pregnancy. Whilst unprotected anal sex does open you up to sexually transmitted diseases same as vaginal sex, there is at least the fact that you will not stumble into parenthood. Personally I’d rather risk a baby or a slightly awkward pharmacy trip for the morning after pill than you know, HIV, but go off. 


Well, honest to god I have no idea what the obsession is and I would actually like one y’all to explain. But until then, instead of joking about it or sending hopeful and pathetic messages online, if this is something you want to try, ask. Have a real conversation about it. Oh and for god sake, use lube.

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