Conservative Party Frantically Defend Ideology
by Gaudie Correspondent for Science and Fudge Related Affairs
image via Wikimedia Commons
The recent collapse of the infrastructure giant, Carillion, has prompted the Conservative Party to release a statement defending their decision to continue to push for private sector involvement in providing public services.
The move comes shortly after Carillion, the provider of infrastructure services related to the HS2 rail line and catering services for army barracks, as well as the maintenance of up to 50 prisons, announced that it was entering administration, potentially putting up to 20,000 jobs at risk.
This comes shortly after Virgin Healthcare secured £1billion of contracts within the NHS in order to make up for the lack of funding available for publicly run hospital services.
This approach is in line with the traditional libertarian idea that increased competition and free market involvement with inherently yield the most efficient solutions over the inevitably inefficient public sector. This is usually carried out through competitive bidding systems similar to the way public transport and the railway system is handled, British rail travel being the most efficient in Europe.
Other policies suggested to increase competition in the NHS include building two of every hospital and allowing them to compete for patients until one remains. Similar to high street takeaways, or student club nights.
In a statement made up by one of our writers: Theresa May said:
“We are fully committed to supporting those affected by this event. The decision to employ the services of Carillion was carried out through the proper procurement channels.”
She went on to add:
“We will be bringing in expert consultants from the private sector to ensure such an event does not occur again.”
Senior civil servants have begun to speculate what this could mean for the average member of the public. The current consensus seems to be a tightening of government purse strings in order to make up for the money Carillion seemed to misplace.
On Wednesday, the Government announced that it was committed to continuing to pay workers involved in public sector contracts, negating the need for Carillion in the first place.
Ina statement later that day by the Good Business Institute:“We would like the assure those concerned that we are committed to making sure those responsible for this mess are basically fine.”
The Gaudie has made several attempts to gain comment from members of the University of Aberdeen Economics department regarding how a company employed by the private sector manages to run out of money. After several shrugs we were directed to the Department of Divinity and Theology.