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  • Writer's pictureSatire

Boris Johnson on COP 26: Glasgow!? I Thought We Were Going Abroad!?

Updated: Jan 26, 2022

The Prime Minister has shown his disgust at the staycation being forced upon him.

By Ruairidh Macdonald

Photo by Artur Kraft on Unsplash

Boris Johnson was none the wiser for his appearance in the House of Commons earlier this week when it appeared that he had just learned of the destination for the upcoming COP 26 climate conference due to take place in early November.

The Prime Minister was being asked questions by fellow ministers when the situation of his transport to Glasgow was brought up, specifically how he was minimising the emissions of his journey. Ignoring the perfectly valid and appropriate question, Mr. Johnson appeared puzzled as he responded with the question, “Wait, it’s in Glasgow?”.

With the response, the Commons erupted into laughter as it’s good to see taxpayers’ money going towards the ever-funny comedic institution that is British democracy. However, as many of those present may have assumed it was sarcasm, they were mistaken as the Prime Minster continued, asking “I thought we were going abroad!? You mean I don’t get to have a holiday out of this?! I have to go to Glasgow?! But that small Scottish woman might be there!”, believed to be referring to the Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon.

Boris Johnson continued, looking quite shaken about the prospect of traveling north for the conference, “I didn’t think they had electricity up there, let alone a conference centre.”. After partially answering the final questions from the ministers and more the questions he wanted to answer, as is his style, then sitting down, the Prime Minister then pulled out what appeared to be a small voodoo doll with a considerable resemblance to former United States president Donald Trump and began to ask the doll what to do about Glasgow, whispering “It’s going to be alright” and giving it a big hug before putting it back into his pocket.

This will be one of the defining moments of Boris Johnson’s residency in Downing Street, hopefully addressing the issue of global warming and establishing the United Kingdom as a world leader in combatting the climate crisis, but more than likely, he’ll just ruffle his hair, say something stupid and derail all meaningful negotiation. All in a day’s work for Mr. Johnson.


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